Well it has been a month from tomorrow that my brother was killed. I can't believe that time has gone by so fast. It seems like forever, and yet again it seems like it was yesterday. The pain has not gone away and it is not getting any easier.
Death is a part of the circle of life, but when you add the sudden unexpectedness to it, and violence...and then the media's insensitivity to reporting the truth...it makes things so much harder. Trust is broken and life never is the same, yet the world around us keeps on moving like nothing ever happened, even when there is such a huge hole left in our hearts and lives.
When tragedies like this happen, you really have to wonder why us?....why Mike?...what are we supposed to learn from something like this. There doesn't seem like there is anything good that can come from our loss and this experience. The one positive thing that seems to have come from losing Mike, is that the rest of us left are mourning together and that my family (brothers, sisters, in-laws, parents, kids etc) are closer than ever. I appreciate them all more and take every moment that I get with them and treasure it. Things are no longer "something I have to do", but now it is something I GET to do. I look forward to seeing them, talking on the phone with them, spending time with all of them....kids and adults. Mike is apart of every conversation, usually good memories...talking about what Mike would be doing if he were here...reaffirming that he IS here with us. He is part of all that we are and all that we HAVE became. I am a different person because of what I have been through and what Mike has taught me.
Someday I hope things get easier, I hope and pray, but as of right now, I am not sure how it will ever get better. I see his boys and they all remind me so much of Mike. They are hurting as bad if not worse, and can only deal with it as children can. I worry so much about them.
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